Saturday, February 16, 2002

What in the hell...

...inspired *N Sync action figures?
...caused Matt LeBlanc to be popular?
...were WB execs thinking when they greenlighted that "Reba" show?
...makes it possible for suck-rock bands like System of a Down to snag record contracts?
...is Matt Lawton doing playing for Cleveland?
...does teen angst have to do with anything associated with reality?
...is the most popular movie among teens right this second? (Hint: go too a chatroom and look at half the screennames in the chatters list. My bet's on "The Fast and the Furious." See how many misspellings you can count, and Uncle Ehren will give you a lollypop!)
...was I doing for 6 months while my page was rotting in the proverbial black hole?
...was the motivation behind Cosmopolitan-branded scrunchies?
...allowed me to actually use the word "scrunchies"?

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I am a straight-shooter with a heart of gold and balls of steel. I coach a hard-luck peewee hockey team full of working-class misfits. My sweat is considered currency in developing nations. I once appeared nude on a Wheaties box. I operate a greasy-spoon diner on the outskirts of humanity. Also, I'm afraid of clowns and small children.
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