Has anyone ever asked you what the hell the deal was with "rock" music? Well, jerkstore, now you have. Now, before I move on, I have to clarify my views of the difference between rock and "rock". Rock music consists of groups like Led Zeppelin. The aforementioned band probably did more to influence modern pop music than the Beatles, Elvis and Lawrence Welk combined. These are groups of talented musicians who, finding that the airwaves of their era were sorely lacking something special and original, came up with that fresh original sound through a long creative process and eventually would perform as one of the most consistent acts in music up until that point. Rock wasn't just meant to be an alternative to Rupert Holmes, Christopher Cross and the other cookie-cutter commercial pop artists that you can hear right now in Lite FM 102.9, it was more an expression of feeling and creativity that rivals that of any book, or painting, or any other outlet of artistic value. It wasn't meant to shock, though it sometimes did, it was just something different for Joe Six-pack to relate to. By about 1982, this began to change. With the advent of bands like Kiss, the monstrosity known as glam rock became popular among teenage fans, mostly to piss off their parents. It also transformed into power ballads and love rockers, thanks to hordes of Eighties children groping for higher ranks of highschool social status that needed something to listen to with their boyfriends/girlfriends while cruisin' in their Trans Am. This gave birth to bands such as Guns n' Roses, Whitesnake, Motley Crue and Poison. All these bands are easily recognized by their leather jackets, makeup and pussified lead singers who sported a female birth name half the time. This is how "rock" began. As the Eighties subsided and gave way to the Nineties, all these social high-climbers one by one took residence in one of America's fine trailer parks and kept in touch with their teenage roots by listening to their power ballads. And new bands started to come on the scene, bands such as Korn and Nirvana. These "rock" (also known as crap-rock, suck-rock and wuss-rock) bands usually started in a suburban garage occupied by four or five talentless losers who discovered they could sort of play along with their Metallica cassette if they played quiet so no one could hear how bad they were. And for some odd reason, people actually wanted to hear crap like that, so Korn and Nirvana got signed to major labels and then copycats start popping up all over.

Fast forward to 2002: It has become a fact of like in most large metro areas that there are 3 top-40 stations. The Twin Cities are no exception. We have the urban top 40 (B96) traditional top 40 (KDWB) and rock top 40 (93X). And for those of you who are nervously saying "Hey wait! You forgot about country top 40!".... I just want to remind you that I am talking about music, NOT country. Anyhoo, the three stations are all similar in some respects. Those being 1) they have a set playlist formed by the record companies and Billboard charts, with few deviations, 2) they have selected a few "classic" songs that they will play at least once a day to dispel the myth that they don't play older music, and 3) they all suck. The one thing that separates your rock top 40 station from the rest is this: ALL THE SHIT SOUNDS THE SAME!!! From "Welcome to the Jungle" to Limp Bizkit to P.O.D. to Nickelback it's all the same commercialized slop regenerated to sell more records to disillusioned teenagers and trailer-dwellers that think all rock is cool. Hey guy, what exactly do you like about rock? "Uh, it like.... rocks. Dude." Point taken. Shut up and go back to school. And quit bangin' your sister.

Labels: GOTW